The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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