'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
