i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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