My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
