Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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