Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize