No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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