Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
