You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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