dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
