Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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