I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
What drink are we having for lunch?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize