just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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