maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
