Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
