i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
