he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
