We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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