She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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