I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
