please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
