I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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