I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
