You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
