Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
