girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
porn star boner night. come get it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
