you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
