it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
