Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
