im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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