What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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