dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
