somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
