Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Then you guys just all showered together...?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
