Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
