I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I want to be your penis for a week.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
