Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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