No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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