thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
