I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
