I'm gonna have a badass scar
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
