My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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