I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
