New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
