Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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