I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
