Dude my mom stole all your condoms
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
