He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
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Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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