haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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