im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
