Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
