stop calling my apartment porn island.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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