My room smells like vodka and shame
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
