what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We left the knife in your bed.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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