Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
