my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He kissed a someone with a penis
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
