it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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