Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
