I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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