the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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