My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
