fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
