When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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