I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
