party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
