capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
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